


Crazy in Lazytown

by Blobbyswinger69



Category: Crack fiction - Fandom, LazyTown, Supernatural
Genre: Crack Fiction, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-02
Updated: 2014-01-02
Packaged: 2018-01-07 05:37:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1116153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blobbyswinger69/pseuds/Blobbyswinger69
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and Dean get a job in lazy town.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crazy in Lazytown

Dean waited till Sam was off the phone. "Who was that?"  
"Uh, it was Bobby," Sam stuttered as he slid his iPhone, which had no known origin, into his pocket. "He gave us a job in the town next over."  
"Oh come on, we just finished one!" Dean whined, clenching the bed sheets. "Do we ever get any damn breaks?"  
"No we don't, Dean. When all monsters and demons are wiped of the planet, then you can get your damn break."  
Dean sat back and sighed, he knew this very well. In fact, every hunter that ever lived knew that. Saving people, hunting things, it's just what they were meant to do, no payment, and no credit. The two brothers packed their small luggage and hopped into the Impala.  
Dean stopped the car in front of the motel.  
"You sign in and bring in our crap, imma go check out the social scene," Dean ordered.  
"You mean the bar! Dean, c’mon." Now Sam was the one complaining. Sam slammed the Impala door behind him as he fidgited his way out. Dean rolled down the window.  
"I'll be back late," he called through the window, throwing his satchel along with his words. Sam grabbed it effortlessly and walked into the unadulterated motel.  
\-----------------------  
Usually around 5:00pm bars were just starting to become crowded(due to 5:00 being the socially exceptable time to drink), but there was not one soul when Dean arrived at the noisome establishment. The lights shined dimly over the table tops, which were home to some form of foriegn residue. It was most probable this was due to months; even years of emptyness. Kinda like the hollow rib cage inside Deans body.  
"What the hell?" Dean muttered tempestuously, he was looking forward to picking up some lonely girl willing enough to sleep with a stranger. That was the best part about going to a small town where you can just pick up and leave at any moment, one of the very few perks of being a hunter.  
A little over an hour past, right as he was prepared on leaving, the bells above the door began to chime. The bar was so poorly lit, he couldn't make out their face, but he could tell that figure belonged to a women.  
"Do you wanna get out of here?" She purred into his ear. His eyes rolled into their sockets.  
"Hell yeah!" With his permission, she sprang up and ran as fast as she could, with his large persperating hand grasped tightly around hers.  
This kid’s got energy, he thought time himself, thanking each and every of his lucky stars. Since he was a Winchester, he had a full galaxy of them, just waiting to save his life again.  
. . .  
The door slammed open, with their lips firmly locked together. When Dean drew back to catch his breath, he took one look at her house and his jaw hit the ground. Every single object that was in that house was a variation of the color pink. Dean even took a look at her, he could have sworn that she was wearing some sort of a pink wig. He shrugged and continued sucking on her face.  
"Wait, stop" he pulled away again, aggravating the human Justice store. "I made a promise to myself-"  
"Look if you don't wanna do this-"  
"No it's not that, I just have to know your name,"  
"Stephanie" she breathed, reconnecting their lips.  
...  
Sam was on his computer listening in on police scanners and hacking into security cameras when Dean returned, as per usual. Deans stupid grin, and small sign of faint happiness, confirmed that his rendezvous went very well. Of course, Sam never asked questions. With a few swigs of some cheap whiskey, which at the time was Smirnoff, Dean was out dead, left to dream about his pink evening.  
"We got ourselves a vic" Sam grunted pulling off his head phones. "Dude, wake up!" Sam threw a pillow at his erotic brother. Dean let out a moan and tossed over. Sam didn't even bother trying again, because he knew Dean wouldn't be able to fall back to sleep. He pushed himself off the bed.  
"Do we got a name?" He coughed. He headed towards the sink to wash his face.  
Sam looked back at his laptop."Yeah, a young girl, probably 12. Her name is Trixie. She was found dead outside the home of someone named Uncle Milford? Anyways, all of her muscles were reduced to ashes, does that sound like a case?"  
"I don't know. Lets check it out " Dean finally had reason to remove himself from the smelly motel bed. He was too tired the night before to notice the odors, thus, he woke up unpleasantly.  
. . .  
The scene wasn't that bloody, therefore Dean wasn't that motivated. A man, who they assumed to be Mr. Milford, assisting the police caught Sam's eye. He was middle aged and strange looking, anyone with half their eye sight could tell that. Something was definently wrong with this man and the Winchesters took note of it.  
"Wait! This is Stephanie's house" Dean noticed, pointing out the pink door. "We, had sex!" He added confidently. It didn't take long for them to spot the small pink girl sobbing next to, whatever was left, of Trixie.  
Their attention then turned towards the limp corpse in the middle of the street. If her eyes weren’t bloodshot opened, she seemed very normal, besides her charred muscles. Dean left his brother in observation to console his mistress.  
"Dean? I thought you had to leave so quickly?" New tears began to cover the old.  
"Well, uhhh," Dean stuttered, he completely forgot he left so early in the morning to avoid her feelings. "Well, this happened so I got an extension"  
"Oh," her tears somewhat ceased.  
"Did Trixie here have any enemies?" Sam interrupted.  
"No! I just don't know why Sporticus didn't come on time." She answered.  
"Sporticus?" Sam stopped writing when Stephanie's gaze pointed towards a well fit man in a blue track suit across the street.  
"I was too late!" He wailed into his sweaty palms.  
"What?" Sam and Dean chorused, they weren't used to much emotion.  
"I stuck the triple back flip crossover hand stand, but I missed the twisted handspring and landed on my arm. My sportive abilities have been drained!" he continued sobbing as if he was the victim. They could tell he was in so much pain, mostly due to their past experience with it. The Winchester boys left as empty handed as which they had arrived.  
. . .  
After hours of research, Dean threw down his book."Lets just call Bobby,"  
"No!" Sam blurted, startling Dean. "Uh, we don't need his help," Dean gave Sam the stink eye.  
"What's going on Sammy?"  
"Nothing." Dean glared harder. Not surprisingly, Sam gave up.  
"It wasn't Bobby that called."  
"What?!? then who gave us this case?"  
" A friend of mine from Stanford."  
"Who?"  
"His name is Sticky, he's a good friend and he was concerned about what was going on."  
"Sorry, BUT WHAT EXACTLY IS GOING ON?"  
"Lets check out our vic's carcass."  
...  
"So apparently, those burned out muscles were because of an extreme workout," Sam read from the morgue paper.  
"Wouldn't she have to run around A LOT for that to happen? Did you see her size?"  
"Well, there's an answer for that. See there's lure that overexercising was caused by the Luxurio Crystal."  
"Yeah, whatever, keep watching" Dean jammed the crowbar under the body's refrigerated metal box. With a good slam, the door flew open. But to there dumbfounded surprise, the body was gone.  
"What the hell?" He double checked the empty container. "There's no body!"  
"I think we should pay a visit to our good friend Sporticus," Sam cocked his rifle. "He did say his sportive abilities had been drained," he pointed out as they left the morgue.  
"How the hell we gonna find Sportakiss my ass?"  
"I'm sure this kid knows." Sam pointed towards a small blond kid with a lollipop larger than his head.  
"Hey, kid!" The boys head snapped up from the small flower he was smashing with his swirly sucker. "What's your name?"  
"Well, My wonderful name is-"  
"-Alright cut the kids show act, drop that fucking lollipop before I drop everyone you love, you got that? So tell me your damn name!" The young boy looked Dean up and down. Never before had the child been more terrified. The dark vibe emitted from Deans body sucked whatever childhood memory of happiness straight from his soul. As if being told happy endings don't happen. Dean not only scared him out of his shorts, but forced the child to grow up from his bright blue world of Lazytown and shove him down to his level. At that very moment, the blond, blue-eyed kid saw no light at the end of the tunnel and prayed for god to have mercy on his soul.  
"My name is Ziggy," he stated. He sounded as nonchalant and creatively drained as someone who had just finished 12 years of college.  
"Where can we find Sporticus?" Dean growled, lifting his coat to reveal his .21 caliber pistol.  
...  
A giant blimp hung over Lazytown. It usually gleamed silver on sunny days, but the cover of darkness left it a dreary grey color. A rope ladder hung from the air balloon, for access of any sport activists. But the two new visitors were not there to play.  
Dean latched onto the rope, then followed Sam.  
Since these two visitors were Winchesters, the word 'doorknob' was not in their vocabularies. Dean kicked down the door to reveal a mini gymnasium.  
Sporticus was on his 176th body weight squat rep. His muscles looked as if they too would burst like Trixie's.  
"What the puck? What's going on here?" Amazingly, Sporticus didn't break a sweat during his workout session. He double back flipped and tried to take on his opponents. Dean simply held up his gun and Sporticus summer salted into a stop.  
"Alright freak, what the hell is going on here!" Dean cocked his gun.  
"Yeah!" Added Sam redundantly. "We know you have the Luxurio crystal!" Sporticus's thick neck hung over his shoulders, it looked as if he was going to cry again.  
"MY CRYSTAL IS GONE!" he wailed, reducing himself to the floor. The Winchesters almost pitied the man.  
"So then what's going on?" Dean asked again, he was about to defer to his other motto: Shoot first, ask later. Otherwise known as the Government Way.  
"The only person I can think of is Robby Rotten"  
"Who?"  
"What's he got? STD's?" Dean giggled, still vigilant with his weapon.  
"Do you?" Sam countered. Dean never answered.  
"I can take you to him, just put that thing away, there are children here!" Sporticus eyed Ziggy who was silently mourning his lost lollypop, but getting rid of his candy was nothing compared to the emptiness of his lost childhood.  
...  
Lazytown was not an ugly little town, it was full of dreams and adventures. The people who lived there were happy, but under the city, that was another story. Under the sweet small town was a vast sewer system that basically took up the entire town. The vents were not only smelly and unsanitary, but mostly lonely and unhappy. Just walking through this underground layer will end you up as cynical as Ziggy. This was why the most evil man in all of Lazytown lived down deep into the pipes. Secluded from the world, Robby Rotten was force to live alone in his own filth and sexual quirks.  
After an hour of walking through the sewers Sam, Dean, and Sporticus found Robbie slummed into a torn up armchair. His face was as haggard as the piece of furniture he sat on.  
"Alright Douche, we know what you're up to!"  
"I don't know what you're talking about," he sneered.  
"Cut the crap you freak," Dean yelled. Sam could see his brother bubbling out of control, he never had much empathy for freaks. Sam hated that most about Dean, he just never realized how hard it was to be one of them.  
"Sporticus, why don't you step a little closer so I can tell you," Robbie crooned.  
"NO!" Screamed Dean as he shot Robbie Rotten in the head. Sam quickly ran over, drizzling gasoline and salt over his bleeding body and set it ablaze.  
The Winchesters left the torrid man, dying in his soiled pipeline. What the boys didn't see was that Robbie Rotten was innocent. If only they had walked closer as he asked, they would have seen that there was a poorly made table with precisely two candles, along with two plates. On one of the dingy plates, was a small note. Mr. Rotten hated sports because he was no good. Yes he was the perfect man for stealing the Luxurio Crystal, but he simply loved Sporticus too much to go through with it.  
...  
"I'm glad we got that over with, Sammy!" Dean boasted, punching his brothers shoulder.  
"Me too Dean," he replied.  
"That is great, BUT MY CRYSTAL!" Sporticus cried.  
"SPORTICUS? YOU LOST YOUR CRYSTAL?!?" Ziggy cried, surprisingly he had some childhood left, but that soon met its demise.  
"Yes Ziggy, I'm afraid that's true," he whimpered.  
"Oh, Hi Stephanie! What's that you got th-" before Ziggy could panic, The wigged girl shot him in the stomach. When Sam ran to aid the kid and try to stop the bleeding, there was nothing but stuffing pouring out of his wound.  
"What the hell!" barked Sam, looking back at Stephanie.  
"SURPRISE BITCHES!" She pulled off her wig.  
"Bella? YOU WHORE" Dean screeched.  
"It was me that called you here! Besides I needed to thank you-" she pulled out the Colt and shot twice. That was more than enough for the Winchesters to lay dead on the floor.


End file.
